So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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