ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
