She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Even the bartender felt bad for me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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