I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
