i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
