smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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