If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
