and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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