Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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