Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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