sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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