I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this just has baby written all over it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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