I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
