I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
