Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Someone came in the potted fern
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
