dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
