Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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