I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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