Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
