i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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