I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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