actually, I'm a sock model
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
