I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
