Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
