true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
