I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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