If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She announced her abortion via fbk
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
