marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
