I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
