I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
