took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is my gift to your gina
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
