1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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