I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
