I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
