I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
