You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
