If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
