Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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