I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
