areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are the jesus of drinking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
