I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
