She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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