Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
