how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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