Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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