she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
