i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
