Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
