when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
