She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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