Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
