and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
