do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
