at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
