ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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