Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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