I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
