i love accidental penises.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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