You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
