Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
