The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
