Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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