just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
