please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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