so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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