The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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