I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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