I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
