apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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