I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
