just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
