Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
