I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize