Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
