singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
