So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
